he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
