oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
