FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
