Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
