I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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