why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
