FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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