I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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