Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
