You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.