i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
