She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.