dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
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My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...