Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?