my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
