Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
