I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
