She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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