When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
