This dress was meant to end up on your floor
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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