As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
