Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want her autograph on my taint
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
