if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
