C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
