I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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