I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
