it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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