My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
