He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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