I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
