I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars