dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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