Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  can we get nightvision for the apartment?

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  (607): can we get nightvision for the apartment? http://tfl.nu/dotm
  Replies (7) Good night (3215) Bad night (628)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.

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  (856): So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished. http://tfl.nu/vhfi
  Replies (4) Good night (3585) Bad night (909)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  this is something i pride myself on being below average for

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  (920): this is something i pride myself on being below average for http://tfl.nu/tsy8
  Replies (7) Good night (2566) Bad night (1313)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

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  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5919) Bad night (1550)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.

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  (570): you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you. http://tfl.nu/anwq
  Replies (7) Good night (910) Bad night (4477)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  You took a bar mat shot.

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  (772): You took a bar mat shot. http://tfl.nu/02d5
  Replies (11) Good night (849) Bad night (2733)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

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  (248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74
  Replies (6) Good night (4683) Bad night (1479)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

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  (501): My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class? http://tfl.nu/2kq9
  Replies (10) Good night (941) Bad night (3105)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME

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  (603): I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME http://tfl.nu/slem
  Replies (5) Good night (4269) Bad night (937)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.

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  (325): The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her. http://tfl.nu/fi1h
  Replies (33) Good night (1785) Bad night (4214)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.

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  (575): I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here" (575): Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life. http://tfl.nu/q6db
  Replies (9) Good night (2309) Bad night (810)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick

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  (608): Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick http://tfl.nu/ym1u
  Replies (9) Good night (1941) Bad night (591)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.

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  (772): When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny. http://tfl.nu/z1it
  Replies (14) Good night (723) Bad night (2241)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?

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  (908): if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator? http://tfl.nu/2ohc
  Replies (6) Good night (1010) Bad night (480)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?

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  (502): I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You? http://tfl.nu/sdqc
  Replies (4) Good night (729) Bad night (279)

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