My room smells like vodka and shame
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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