so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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