If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.