im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
