I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think i have two assholes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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