My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
