If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
