what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
