I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
