I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
