i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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