Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
