What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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