I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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