Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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