A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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