My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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