i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
