He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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