i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
