when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
