Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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