there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
