Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
