I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
