FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
