We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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