I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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