I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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