I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
