Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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