If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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