I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
