I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
