I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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