I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
