My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
