i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
