Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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