If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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