A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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