Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
