I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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