You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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