I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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